God in the Asylum, or Who Spins the Universe

Dr. Andrew Smith, an experienced psychiatrist, thought he had seen it all. But today’s shift promised to be something entirely different. A new patient walked into his office with the confidence of someone used to dictating the laws of existence and introduced himself simply and succinctly:

– God.

Dr. Smith didn’t bat an eye, quickly making a mental note: this one’s unusual.

– God, you say? Pleasure to meet you, – he said calmly, gesturing toward a soft chair. – Please, have a seat. Or, perhaps you’d prefer to lie down?

The patient smiled, as though privy to some universal secret Dr. Smith couldn’t fathom.

– Lie down? Well, if you insist. A bed is a sacred place.

He stretched out, clasped his hands on his chest, and gazed thoughtfully at the ceiling.

– When did you realize you were God? – asked Dr. Smith, turning on his recorder.

– A century ago, – came the reply, devoid of any ambiguity.

– I see. And do you sleep on your back or on your stomach?

– Usually on my side. But I can sleep on my back. Or even on my stomach, if that’s what universal order demands, – said the patient with a sense of dignity, as though he were discussing matters of cosmic importance rather than mundane habits.

– Why does God change sleeping positions? – the doctor pressed on.

– To keep the universe spinning, – replied the patient, as if explaining an elementary truth.

Dr. Smith jotted a few notes in his pad and cautiously asked:

– Still, how did you become God?

The patient paused, then smiled.

– Doctor, that’s irrelevant.

Dr. Smith frowned but continued:

– Fine. Let’s talk about your... colleague. What can you say about Satan?

The patient perked up.

– Satan? Oh, he’s not an enemy, as many think. He’s just a prosecutor. Someone has to spot the errors, right? Someone has to do the dirty work. Remember Job? Satan was merely the executor.

Dr. Smith couldn’t resist:

– So Job is also God?

– Of course. Although he might not be aware of it.

– And Adam?

– Adam, God, Satan – we’re all parts of the same whole.

Dr. Smith felt a slight dizziness.

– If I understand correctly, you believe that all people are Gods?

The patient looked at him with mild amusement.

– Isn’t it obvious? The universe is one big asylum, and we’re all Gods. Each of us plays a role.

Dr. Smith paused in thought. He put down his pen, switched off the recorder, and suddenly asked:

– So, I’m a God too?

– How else? – replied the patient as he stood up. – Remember, doctor: your diagnosis is merely part of your role.

With that, he walked out, leaving Dr. Smith alone with some very uncomfortable thoughts about the nature of reality, the role of psychiatrists, and possibly his own new nickname: God.