Family Business

Protocol of Family Efficiency

Morning in the Able family, officially classified as the Small Enterprise "Joy and Obligation", always began with protocol violations.

Senior Manager of Resource Provision, Mr. Able, 42, realized on the fourth minute of his shift that his KPI for "Timely Removal of MSW" (the garbage bag) was under threat.

— Mrs. Brook, — he formally addressed his wife, the Operations Director, who, without batting an eye, stood over the stove, controlling the "100% readiness of daily nutrition" (three cheesecakes on a plate), — I have recorded a critical failure in logistics. The MSW bag was not moved to the disposal zone before 7:30, as stipulated by Clause 4.1 of the "Internal Family Regulations".

Mrs. Brook did not even turn around.

— The failure is not critical, Mr. Able. The HR Department reminds us that today, the Junior Training Specialist, Junior, 10, has a presentation on the project "The Role of the Beaver in the Ecosystem". I was forced to conduct an emergency corrective session to check his slides before the start of his workday. Your area of responsibility was to ensure his wakeup at 7:00. You only achieved 68% compliance.

Mr. Able slumped. His "Wakeup Protocol" had indeed been violated.

At that moment, Junior came out of his room, with a face that, in corporate culture, was called "exceeding the permissible intellectual load". His shift was just beginning.

— Mom, — he mumbled, — I believe my KPI for "quality time" with you was not met. I need 30 minutes, and I only received 18, because you were discussing the garbage bag. This is a non-targeted expenditure of my work resource.

— Junior, these are work-related issues, — sighed Mrs. Brook, — "Crisis Management Consultant," your grandmother Mrs. Grace, is on standby today. Go have breakfast and prepare for "project activities". And please, the noise level must be no more than 40 decibels. Otherwise, your weekly "Employee Rating" will drop.

Junior, like a true Specialist, went to eat, muttering under his breath: "This isn't life, this is one long Appraisal Period".

 

Audit Invasion

As soon as Junior (Junior Training Specialist) began his "100% daily nutrition intake" , new shift participants entered the dining room (also known as the "food intake zone").

Mr. Able (Senior Resource Manager) immediately adopted a tense posture. He knew that the arrival of his father, Mr. Leo (Honored Advisor), meant an inevitable status indoctrination.

— Good morning, Operations Director Brook, — Mr. Leo said in a formal tone, inspecting the cheesecakes. — I see you are maintaining nutrition metrics. But I noticed you haven't used the 1985 Crisis Plan.

— Sir, with all due respect, the 1985 Nutrition Plan (making lumpy semolina porridge) was deemed ineffective by the HR Department and violates the "food safety protocol" for children under 12, — replied Mrs. Brook, without stopping her timer check.

At that moment, Mrs. Grace (Grandma, Consultant-Auditor) entered the game. She approached Junior, who was trying to quietly eat his cheesecake. This was the start of an unscheduled "quality of upbringing audit".

— Junior, Training Specialist, — Mrs. Grace began softly, — why are you eating?

Junior almost dropped his spoon. 

— Because it is now the time for "mandatory fuel intake," Auditor Grace. It is part of my shift schedule.

— Error, — Mrs. Grace shook her head triumphantly. — Should you want to eat yourself? Or are you doing this only because you were ordered to? Where is your "internal motivation"? The Audit Department believes you have not been instilled with "free will". This is a critical deviation in the educational process.

Mrs. Brook grabbed her head. — Mrs. Grace, you are violating the "protocol for interacting with a Junior Specialist"! You are not authorized to conduct a "psychological audit" before 16:00, when his school shift is over!

Mr. Leo immediately seized the moment to address his son, Mr. Able:

— There, Senior Resource Manager! Your Operations Director is incapable of controlling external consultants! I remember, in 1985, when I was in your position, I would have immediately introduced the "severe gaze protocol". Did you introduce it?

Mr. Able sighed heavily, realizing that his KPI for "stress level within the norm" had plummeted to zero.

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🎁 SURPRISE (Announcement and Spoiler)

The kitchen door suddenly opened, but it was not Teenager (Junior's sister). It was a courier who brought a large sealed envelope.

Mrs. Brook, as Operations Director, opened it. — We have a new input! It's a notification from... from the Department of Family Supervision (DFS). They sent us a notification about the temporary transfer of another employee.

Mr. Able, Mr. Leo, and Mrs. Grace surrounded her.

— Who? — they asked in unison.

— Specialist for Creative Chaos Generation, — read Mrs. Brook. — It's our eldest daughter, Teenager. She is unscheduled to return from her training project ("self-improvement camp") today.

Junior smiled for the first time that morning. A new employee is always a distraction from his own KPIs!

 

Liquidity Crisis

Mrs. Brook (Operations Director) slowly put down the envelope, as if it weighed no less than an annual report.

— So, — she said, addressing her husband, Mr. Able (Senior Resource Manager), — the HR Department must immediately formalize the unscheduled transfer of our Lead Specialist for Capital Management, Teenager. She arrives from her "training project" today at 17:00.

Mr. Leo (Honored Advisor) immediately intervened, his face expressing the "severe gaze protocol" (in the updated version).

— This is a violation of the "budgeting procedure"! Teenager's presence always generates unscheduled expenses! Her "training project" is just a code name for the "family budget squandering program"!

Mrs. Grace (Grandma-Auditor), bowing her head, whispered to Junior (Junior Specialist):

— See, grandson? This is an example of when "internal motivation" leads to financial instability.

— Quiet, Auditor Grace! — snapped Mrs. Brook. — We need to draw up a "crisis adaptation plan". Mr. Able, as Resource Manager, you must control the "pocket money limit".

— It's impossible, — sighed Mr. Able. — The last quarterly report showed that our Financial Specialist, Teenager, exceeded the limit by 300% due to the purchase of "critically important fashion accessories". She views pocket money not as a resource, but as a fund for emergency economic stimulation.

At 17:00, the Small Enterprise "Joy and Obligation" met its Lead Specialist.

Teenager entered the house, dragging two huge suitcases filled with (as it later turned out) "critically important fashion accessories".

Mrs. Brook immediately switched to "annual appraisal" mode.

— Welcome, Teenager. The HR Department reports that your KPI for the last month was failed. The expense limit was violated. How do you explain the negative dynamic in your financial management?

Teenager, without even taking off her jacket, professionally replied:

— Mom, you are looking at this from the wrong angle. Compliance with the limit (± 1%) is a metric of the past. I was engaged in demand stimulation. My purchases provide emotional capital, which is critically important for my moral and psychological climate. Furthermore, I detected underfunding in my department.

— Underfunding? — exclaimed Mr. Able. — You spent all the money I saved for the "new lawn" project!

— And what is the lawn? — intervened Grandpa Leo. — It's outdated, and requires preservation!

— The lawn does not generate emotional capital, Dad, — snapped Teenager. — And anyway, I'm tired after my shift. I need to decompress.

She demonstratively headed for the sofa.

Junior (Junior Specialist), looking at his sister with admiration, whispered: "She is the best Specialist for Chaos Generation!"

Mrs. Brook immediately activated Operations Director mode:

— The HR Department has decided: Teenager, your position as Lead Specialist for Capital Management will be reclassified to the position of Specialist for Creative Chaos Generation until you sign the debt restructuring agreement. Your new KPI is conducting 1 (one) cleaning per day.

Teenager froze. Cleaning? That was below her job salary!

— This does not match my qualifications! — she declared. — I am filing a complaint with the Teenage Children Union!

 

Corporate Dinner and Merger Announcement

The family dinner, or as it was called in the official schedule, the "Daily Corporate Meeting with Mandatory Attendance», began in a tense atmosphere.

Mr. Able (Senior Resource Manager) tried to minimize his "stress level," carefully avoiding the gaze of Mrs. Brook (Operations Director).

Junior (Junior Specialist) sat quietly, trying to maintain his KPI of "noise level within the norm», watching as his sister, Teenager (Specialist for Chaos Generation), demonstratively chewed her food with the look of an employee forced to work in a lower position.

The silence, as always, was broken by Mr. Leo (Honored Advisor). He stood up, tapping a fork against a glass, drawing attention to his "traditional instruction".

— Colleagues! — he began loudly. — I, as Honored Advisor, want to announce my new project for restructuring fixed assets. Today I am commencing the restoration of the "bread toasting device" model 1985.

Mrs. Brook rolled her eyes.

— Mr. Leo, this is a high-risk project, — she officially stated. — The model 1985 toaster has been in the "critical failure" zone for three years. It hasn't even passed the initial technical inspection. We bought a new universal toaster model 2025!

— Model 2025 has no soul, — dismissed Mr. Leo. — It does not conform to the enterprise's heritage. I am certain that the "severe gaze protocol" and pliers will restore the model 1985 to operation.

Mrs. Grace (Grandma-Auditor) nodded. — I approve the project. It stimulates internal motivation for savings.

— It stimulates the fire alarm! — mumbled Mr. Able, instantly imagining his KPI for "object safety" plummeting to zero.

At that moment, Mrs. Brook sighed heavily and took the floor, moving to the most important item on the agenda: "merger and acquisition".

— And now to the main point. I received an urgent notification. Our enterprise is on the verge of a merger... that is, the arrival of guests.

Everyone present tensed up. In the corporate lexicon of the Able family, the term "guests" served as a synonym for "uncontrolled financial and emotional risk".

— Next week, a competing enterprise will arrive — my sister's family, the Kate. They will stay with us until the end of the month.

A deathly silence fell in the dining room, broken only by Junior, who whispered in fear:

— But they have two daughters. That's double chaos generation!

Mrs. Brook continued, raising her voice:

— Their enterprise operates in "absolute freelance" mode. No job descriptions, no KPIs. Their children have never heard of "noise level within the norm".

Teenager laughed joyfully.

— I think this is excellent benchmarking! — she exclaimed. — Finally, we will see what "emotional capital" looks like without limitations!

Mr. Able put his hands over his head. His weekend plan, which included a "garage audit," was now under threat.

— This is not benchmarking, Teenager! This is an unscheduled stress test for our enterprise! If Mr. Leo sets the toaster on fire, and their children stage an "unauthorized dismantling of property," our enterprise will declare bankruptcy!

Mr. Leo immediately retorted:

— I announce the "severe gaze protocol" for the competitors!

Mrs. Brook, tired of ineffective management, ended the meeting:

— The HR Department has decided: until the Kate family arrives, all employees must raise their KPIs by 20%. Otherwise, there will be punitive sanctions in the form of washing dishes by hand. Meeting adjourned.

 

Inventory and Asset Restoration

The next morning, Mr. Leo (Honored Advisor) began his inventory and asset restoration project. He spread out his tools in the garage, which he officially considered his engineering and design department.

— Mr. Leo, you are violating the "safety protocol"! — shouted Mr. Able (Senior Resource Manager), who was trying to conduct a garage audit (Timely Stacking of Tools).

— Silence, Manager! — snapped Leo. — I am conducting asset restoration. The model 1985 toaster only needs internal motivation and a bit of electrical tape!

Mr. Leo took the electrical tape and pliers. Ten minutes later, the electricity went out in the house.

Mrs. Brook (Operations Director) shrieked. — Mr. Leo, you caused a short circuit! This is a critical failure of the KPI "object safety"!

— This is not a failure! — objected Mr. Leo, exiting the garage with a sooty face. — This is an emergency diagnostic! I detected a malfunction: the enterprise's wiring system is outdated! I propose performing a restructuring of the entire electrical grid!

— No! — shouted Mrs. Brook. — You are issued a severe reprimand! Your inventory and asset restoration project is frozen. Go attend to your main KPI — maintaining cleanliness in the engineering and design department!

 

Arrival of Competitors

That evening, all employees of the Small Enterprise "Joy and Obligation" gathered in the hallway, which Mrs. Brook had declared the "customs control zone". Everyone was tense, except for two.

Junior (Junior Specialist) nervously fidgeted with his beaver project. He was afraid the competitors would see his perfect KPIs and raise the bar.

Mr. Able and Mrs. Brook stood with stony faces. This was not a visit, but a stress test.

Suddenly, Teenager (Specialist for Chaos Generation) smiled happily. She turned to Mrs. Grace (Grandma-Auditor).

— Grandma! This is not bankruptcy, but a market expansion opportunity! We need to adopt their absolute freelance strategy!

— Agreed, granddaughter! — nodded Mrs. Grace. — This is a new audit. The competitors might have a lack of resources (cookies)! I am announcing the "surplus-stock" project!

There was a knock at the door. Everyone froze. Mrs. Brook pressed the remote opening button.

The Kate family — the "competing enterprise" — stood at the threshold.

Mr. Kate (likely the "General Motivator" in their company) was wearing shorts and a bright Hawaiian shirt, despite the coolness. His wife, Kate (Mrs. Brook's sister, likely the "Head of Unforeseen Events Department"), smiled a wide and completely uncontrolled smile. Behind them stood two teenage daughters (two "Temporary Chaos Specialists") who had already begun inspecting the house with a predatory gleam in their eyes.

Instead of luggage, they had an armful of supermarket bags and several skateboards.

— Hello, Operations Director Brook! — shouted Kate. — We decided that our "economy project" (selling all old things) requires an immediate audit of personal belongings at your place!

Mr. Able nervously straightened his tie. He noticed that one of the daughters had already placed a skateboard on the polished parquet.

Mrs. Brook swallowed and, trying to maintain the face of an Operations Director, said:

— Welcome, competing enterprise! The HR Department expects you to immediately familiarize yourselves with our internal family regulations.

Clause 1.1: "All personal activity must be structured".

Mr. Kate laughed, hugging Mr. Able so tightly that he nearly lost his balance.

— Structure? Manager Able, we don't believe in structure! We believe in synergy! Right now, we will create such synergy that you will forget about your KPIs!

The two "Chaos Specialists" simultaneously winked at Teenager. Teenager nodded happily — her "business opportunities" had just tripled.

Suddenly, there was a crash. One of the daughters, walking past the model 2025 toaster, hooked it. The toaster, which had been bought to replace model 1985, fell, and small parts scattered from it.

Mr. Able closed his eyes. His inner voice said:

"The Enterprise "Joy and Obligation" is not declaring bankruptcy. It is announcing a complete transition to a freelance management model under the leadership of new shareholders".