The Legend of Money: The Paper God

Money — as a physical entity, as the greatest artifact, and as the most successful virus in history — deserves a separate, personal dossier. After all, it is the only thing in the world that Christians, Muslims, and atheists all believe in. Let's write the biography of this God.

Money is neither metal nor paper. It is trusting cast into form. It is magic. You take a piece of colored paper (which itself costs 5 cents) and exchange it for a bottle of wine that a winemaker labored over for three years. If aliens saw this, they would decide that we are a race of powerful sorcerers. Or idiots under hypnosis.

Chapter I. Genesis: The Cow in the Wallet

In the beginning, there was Barter. And it was Hell. Imagine: you want an apple. You have a cow. But the apple seller doesn't need a cow; he needs sandals. You need to find a shoemaker who needs a cow, take sandals from him, bring them to the apple seller... While you were running around, the apple rotted, and the cow died of old age.

Money was invented by the first lazy person in history. He took a beautiful cowrie shell and said:

— "Listen, let's pretend this shell is a cow. Only small and doesn't moo."

— "Are you scamming me?" asked the seller. — "It's a 'unit of account'," replied the lazy person.

— "Trust me." Thus, the first abstraction was born. Humans agreed to believe that shell = cow. This was the first step from reality into the virtual world.

Chapter II. The Paper Scam (The Great "IOU")

Gold was good, but heavy. And it could be shaved at the edges (inflation of the Middle Ages). Then the Templars and the Chinese invented paper. A banknote is a receipt. On the first money, it was written: "The Bank promises to give the bearer gold." This was a lie. Bankers quickly realized: people never come for gold all at the same time. This means you can print 10 times more receipts than there is gold in the basement! Thus, air became capital. We pay not with money, but with debts. Every bill in your pocket is someone else's debt. If everyone in the world paid off their debts, money would vanish.

Chapter III. Credit (Selling the Future)

Money made the impossible possible: traveling in time. Credit is a way to consume today what you will earn (maybe) tomorrow. It is a Faustian bargain. You buy an iPhone now, but pay for it with your time a year later. The banker is a merchant of time. He buys your future wholesale and sells you the present at retail. A person with a 30-year mortgage is the most disciplined slave in history. He doesn't need chains. He needs a monthly payment.

Chapter IV. Cryptocurrency (Electric Hallucination)

The pinnacle of money evolution is Bitcoin. We have returned to the beginning, to shells, only now they are digital. What is Bitcoin? It is electricity burned for the sake of solving a useless mathematical problem. It is pure faith. There is no gold, no army, no state behind it. Only the faith of the sect of Blockchain witnesses. Crypto investors are people who buy "nothing" for "everything," hoping to sell this "nothing" even more expensively to someone who comes later. And the funniest thing is — it works. Because the dollar is also backed by nothing but aircraft carriers. And Bitcoin doesn't even have aircraft carriers. Pure Zen.

Chapter V. Finale: Does Money Smell?

Roman Emperor Vespasian, who taxed public toilets, said: "Money doesn't smell." He was wrong. Money smells. Old bills smell of sweat, cocaine, blood, cheap perfume, and fear. Digital money smells of the ozone of overheated servers. Money is concentrated energy of human desires. It is the only battery that makes this world spin. Take away money — and tomorrow billions of people won't get off the couch. Civilization will stop. So, maybe money is real life?